Reclaiming My Light

I am profoundly grateful for the journey I've embarked on within myself—a sacred space where I strive to grow, learn, and become stronger and more resilient. While the road may be steep and the criticism may sting, I stand firm in my resolve. I haven’t always felt this confident when facing my reflection, but now I embrace my imperfections and envision my limitless potential. Today, when I look in the mirror, I choose to celebrate the strength in my vulnerability.

In moments of adversity, my thoughts can race, especially when I anticipate pain. I am learning to nurture the little girl within me, acknowledging the wounds we’ve both carried over the years. This journey is one of compassion and profound understanding.

As I adopt new methods to calm my racing thoughts, I can feel my authentic self-emerging—the woman who bravely walked away from painful relationships, who embraced her fierceness, her light, and her unwavering loyalty. Despite the hurtful words and actions of others, I kept my hope alive.

And so I moved on and found him - finally! I found someone who loved me for all that I am—my fears, my anxieties, my dreams. In hindsight, I realize I often hoped he could understand me in ways that were beyond his reach. I believed that through our shared journey, he would learn to meet my needs.

But here’s the empowering truth: no amount of effort, conversations, tears, or therapy can change someone or convince them to love you as you deserve. I fell into the familiar trap of loving an illusion, only to realize he couldn’t match my energy or loyalty.

For a time, my heart felt heavy with heartbreak. I internalized blame, revisiting old wounds and memories, even starting to believe the hurtful things he said: that I didn’t love myself, that I didn’t know who I was, that I’d never trust again.

But he was wrong.

I love myself—I just lost sight of that truth.

I know who I am—I simply silenced her to avoid conflict.

He was right about one thing: he did not earn my trust.

As I sit here, amidst the remnants of what I had to dismantle for my peace and self-love, I reflect on the good that has emerged from my experiences, extracting valuable lessons from the challenges I've faced.

I still hold a place in my heart for the man I hoped he could become. My loyalty was unwavering; I let nothing penetrate my defenses. Yet, I realize now that I didn’t receive the same in return.

I fought to stay. You should have seen me—endlessly researching solutions for my fears, grappling with infidelity, and questioning what I did to deserve such pain, despite the fact that I was never unfaithful. I poured my heart into understanding our struggles, all the while staying true to my values and my commitment.

After a week of spiraling through countless stories and blogs, I finally silenced the noise and turned inward to hear what I truly needed: my own voice.

You did nothing wrong, my love.

You loved the wrong man.

He didn’t love you the way you needed, and he made that clear. Yet, you chose to stay.

He told you he wouldn’t change, and still, you chose to stay.

He showed you who he was time and again, even when your heart was breaking and all you sought was reassurance and love. You chose to stay.

In begging for his affection, you inadvertently taught him that you would remain, no matter what.

You lost yourself, but now it’s time to rise and reclaim your life.

The sadness is lifting, and in its place, I feel relief. I no longer need to dwell in a space devoid of the light and love I deserve.

I no longer worry about how my mood might impact him.

I no longer concern myself with who he’s engaging with or how he’s spending his time.

I have me.

It’s too early to say whether I’ll find another love, and I’m not rushing to seek it.

This is my season of reclaiming my voice and my light.

I am worth it.